A Foray to Dallas - Part One

Two weeks ago, I took a trip down to Dallas, Texas, to visit some of my former colleagues. My old office packed up and moved to Dallas about a year ago, so I figured I’d venture down to Little D to check out the new digs. Since I’m already out of ideas for blogs, I thought I’d keep a running journal of my trip down there. Part One, taking care of Thursday and Friday of the trip, is below. Part two (Saturday and Sunday) will be posted later this week.

(Note: You may notice long gaps between entries. I only recorded the parts of the trip I felt were blogworthy, and have edited out everything else. Names have been changed to protect people’s identities.)


MY TRIP TO DALLAS: PART ONE

THURSDAY
11:40 a.m. (EST) – As I’m boarding the Metro on the way to Reagan National Airport, tourists stand inert right at the entrance to one of the cars, slowing the flow of people moving into the car and causing three people (myself included) to get whacked by the Metro doors slamming shut. Not exactly the start to the trip I was hoping for.

12:20 p.m. – Security takes 20 minutes to clear despite a relatively sparse crowd at the airport, thanks to DCA incomprehensibly closing all but two baggage screening belts for each terminal. TSA agent lets man in front of me proceed with what I swear looked like a library card as his form of ID.

12:31 p.m. – First big decision of the trip: purchase burger and fries from Five Guys, or a Chicken Parm Panini from some nondescript deli? For those not familiar with DC, Five Guys makes tremendous burgers and the greasiest fries, but it’s not the best food to eat if you have things you need to get done in the next 24-36 hours. Text from housemate: “Go with Five Guys, so long as you’re on the aisle.” Panini it is.

1:35 p.m. – While plane is taxiing to runway, 50-something couple starts making out in the row across from me. I think I can feel the Panini on its way up.

2:05 p.m. – Plane takes off 30 minutes late, yet somehow is projected to land in Dallas 25 minutes ahead of schedule. You have to love the confidence of an airline who builds in 55 minutes of delay time on a two-hour-and-forty-minute flight.

2:10 p.m. – I set a modest goal of plowing through 25 pages of antitrust reading during the flight there.

2:20 p.m. – Pack it in after three pages. Combination of tight seating quarters and sheer boredom make note-taking almost impossible.

2:22 p.m. – Revise goal to two pages of reading. Give myself a pat on the back for having exceeded my goal.

2:58 p.m. – I finally realize that the in-flight entertainment I’ve been waiting like an idiot for will not be coming. Fortunately I came prepared with a laptop and DVD of my own.

3:53 p.m. - Dr. Richard Kimble: (pointing gun toward Girard) “I didn’t kill my wife!”
Deputy Sam Girard: “I don’t care.”

4:16 p.m. (CST) – I pump my fist as we’re 30 seconds from landing but close enough to the ground where I think I could survive if the plane went down now.

4:41 p.m. – Pass by a Cowboy boot retail outlet, a Ten-Gallon Hat store, and a gun shop while taking a taxi from the airport. Yup, I’m officially in Texas.

4:47 p.m. – Taxi drives by Texas Stadium, home to the Dallas Cowboys. I haven’t seen that big an eyesore since I last watched a Mets game.

6:38 p.m. – Arrive at Buffalo Wild Wings for some college football action. Here I am, a kid from Jersey by way of D.C. eating at Buffalo Wild Wings just outside of Dallas while watching a West Virginia football game. All I needed was a plate of Chicago Deep Dish pizza with a side order of Rice-A-Roni and I’d be all set.

6:41 p.m. – West Virginia is wearing puke-yellow uniform shirts with matching pants. Texas Stadium breathes a sigh of relief as it moves down one spot on my biggest eyesore list.

6:53 p.m. – Our server tonight is a certified sauce specialist. What classes does one need to take to receive such certification? Introduction to Dipping? Wet Naps 101? The Rise and Fall of Bleu Cheese?

9:03 p.m. – The fullback from West Virginia takes off his helmet and slams it into his forehead three times after a punt yields only nine yards. Any other team, I’d be surprised, but seeing it is West Virginia, I’d say that’s about right on par.

9:48 p.m. – West Virginia survives a big rally from Louisville and wins 38-31. After the game, Mountaineers QB Pat White stammered through a postgame interview affected either by the concussion he sustained in the third quarter or by Erin Andrews standing two feet away from him.


FRIDAY
12:17 p.m. – Cab driver taking me to my old colleagues’ new office charges a $5 “gas and tolls” fee despite no prior notification of such (justification: “Because gas prices are so high”). Add “extortion” to the list of attractions that Dallas has to offer.

12:45 p.m. – The new office has a cafeteria on the ground floor! Surprisingly, it was not listed in the “25 Best Places in Dallas to Eat” pamphlet I picked up at the airport. After ordering the turkey club, I can see why.

2:07 p.m. – Looking outside, I notice the office complex has a Monorail track circling the perimeter. Sadly, I am told it runs about once every six months. Sounds like somebody fell for a Lyle Lanley sales pitch.

6:38 p.m. – Sit down to eat at Bob’s Steak & Chop House in the Dallas suburbs. Pictures of what appear to be famous personalities eating at the restaurant line the wall. On closer look, the pictures are indeed of famous personalities, but none seem to have been actually taken inside the restaurant. (Note to self: try doing that at my house when I get back.) Still, though, the food does not disappoint.

8:07 p.m. – Head to Highland Park High School for some Texas high school football. The “Fighting Scots” are undefeated this year and have lost just once in the last three seasons. I’m told that Highland Park counts Angie Harmon, Jayne Mansfield, and Doak Walker among its most famous alumni. They seem to have forgotten about John Hinckley, Jr., Class of ‘72. Must have been an oversight.

8:41 p.m. – The Scotties head into halftime with a 10-point lead. 30 minutes later, following seven performances by six different performing arts groups, 31 senior day introductions, five standing ovations, one impressive baton-twirling performance, and two bags of popcorn consumed by yours truly, halftime ends. Thankfully, there were no wardrobe malfunctions from the bagpipers dressed in kilts.

10:15 p.m. – Touring the neighborhood following a 38-20 victory for Highland Park, we drive by a “Condoms To Go” retail store. I ask my friend when someone would purchase condoms and not get them to go. We settle on what might be a common scenario:

Customer: “Two packages of Trojan Magnums, please.”
Cashier: “You want those to go?”
Customer: “Is your 19-year-old stock girl working today?”
Cashier: “Yes, she’s in the back right now.”
Customer: “I’ll get those for here, then.”


Stay tuned for Part Two, which will include an introspective look into The Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza.